G.I. Joe: Rise of The Cobra (2009)

Director: Stephen Somers

Cast: Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Christopher Eccelston, Sienna Miller, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Dennis Quaid.

Synopsis: An elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, operating out of The Pit, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer. (Gakked from IMDB)

The synopsis doesn’t sound like much but if you like your action flicks mindless, with loads of explosions, tech and one-on-one fighting, then this is the movie for you. And me, as it turns out.

I have to start out by saying I had never watched the cartoon or read the comic. But that didn’t stop me from understanding this film and I think that’s what the filmmakers were hoping for.

Opening in 17th Century France, we’re given a quick family history of the McCullen clan and how it was accused of selling weaponry to both warring factions of the Scots and French. Rather than being hanged, the offender gets to wear a mask fused to his face by heat. Ouch.

Fast-forward to the present future, when the descendant of McCullen shows the NATO his wonderful nano-technology, warheads that eat metal. NATO likes, buys and arranges shipping. It’s pretty cool stuff, but you just know it’s all about to go to hell in a hand basket.

And it does.

I liked this movie on so many levels. After watching the movie I caught the ‘making of’ special feature which was sub-titled “The Big Bang Theory”.  As in, ‘I want some explosions here, but make them bigger’ as dictated by Stephen Somers (no relation to Buffy, unfortunately). I love me some explosions and this delivered in spades. Actual footage compiled seamlessly with CGI to the point where I couldn’t tell where one stopped and the other started and it’s usually my superpower to notice these things.

I also love me some tech and gadgets and, like a good Bond movie, this delivered. How I want an accelerator suit for my very own…

I’m not convinced about the science of the nano-metal-eating beasties as they worked too fast for the science to be believable, but they collapsed the Eiffel Tower. The bastion of Parisian tourist attractions fell in a heap into the Seine. How awesome is that?

Being the girl I am, I couldn’t help but notice the man-candy. There’s muscles aplenty. For the boys though, the Baroness (one of the bad guys) cuts a mean figure in a skin-tight suit and Scarlett (one of the good guys) is as strong, capable and bad-ass as the boys she has to work with.

That does lead me to the one flaw of the movie – lack of girls. The Baroness and Scarlett are the only women in the film. Admittedly, I didn’t notice this until about two-thirds through the movie, but it grated on my nerves once I did. It began to feel like they were both token females, doing a job (for the most part) that a guy could do, but were made female to appease the feminists.

Going into this film, I had no expectations. I saw the previews, squealed over the action, boggled at the effects, and drooled over the man-candy. When it came to the movie, I wasn’t disappointed.

Oh, and look for the cameo of the soldier who trains the newbies in polearms. It was many kinds of awesome, mainly because I had no idea that person was going to be in it! Bonus!

G.I. Joe at IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes.


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