Vampires Suck – A Review by Film Nerd

Directors: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer

Cast: Jenn Proske, Matt Latner, Diedrich Bader, Chris Riggi, Ken Jeong

Synopsis: As the juvenile title suggests, this film is a spoof of the first two Twilight films.   Very much in the spirit of any Wayans brothers parody (minus actual Wayans brothers), this film is a childish mix of direct film satire and pop culture references.

I would consider myself a very tolerant viewer of film.   Most films that many consider terrible, I am able to identify some redeeming feature in the film and enjoy it for what it is.   Only rarely have I switched off a film prior to the end credits.   One of those times I did switch off a film mid-way through though however, I was watching Twilight.   I have subsequently never seen another film in the saga, and leave the pain of reviewing these films to other Revenge of the Film Nerds authors.   Vampires Suck therefore is a better film in my opinion than Twilight, as I was able to sit through it.   I am not saying it is a good film, mind you, because it certainly is not.

From the little I do know about the Twilight saga, from what I have been informed by Twi-hards and sceptics alike, the saga is certainly ripe for satire.   Unfortunately for many American spoofs, they too often go for parody rather than true hard-hitting satire.   There is material here that could really create amusing material without the need to go into the realm of farce.   One point that many have cited as disturbing about Stephanie Meyers source material is Edward’s habit of watching Bella sleep.   Rather than lampoon how unsettling that scenario is, the film opts to show “Becca” in a series of less than flattering sleeping positions.   It is ridiculous, but it is not funny.

Perhaps the film makers did not have enough material from the two films it was lampooning to create a full feature, which may explain it throwing other pop culture references (Jersey Shore for one) into the mix.   Many opportunities were lost to satirise the current vampire genre as a whole.   There were side references to Buffy and Vampire Diaries, but they are blink-and-you-will-miss-it gags.   To not even consider Blade, Underworld, Anne Rice or even Dracula seems absurd to me.   To integrate the most absurd elements of all of these characters and subvert them could have made for a much better, more intelligent film.   In the film on offer, rather, we get S & M wear and fart gags.

It seems a greater pity given elements of Proske’s performance as Becca.   She perfectly captures many of Kristen Stewart’s Bella mannerisms that I was familiar with through the little of Twilight I did see and what I have seen in trailers.   She emphasises her facial twitches just enough to highlight them without looking like she was having a poor drug reaction, which was certainly a possible risk in a film like this.   None of the rest of the cast stands out, however, and a man od Diedrich Bader’s comic skill is wasted in this film.   Worst of all is Latner as “Edward Sullen” (screamingly obvious pun!), who lets his coiffed hair do most of the acting for him.

If you are a Twi-hard, you will find this film offensive.   If you have no familiarity with Twilight, you will find it pointless.   If you have been dragged along to these films against your will, you may find moments of amusement, but many of the gags will raise little more than a smirk on your face.

1 star out of 5

Vampires Suck on IMDB

Vampires Suck on Rotten Tomatoes

Trailer [youtube=]

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